Summer To do:

• Casino
• Playdium
• Go Karting
• Mini-Road Trip
• Cottage Party
• Night in Toronto (to what Tom called a 'dance cave', I've never heard of it...).
• Jay's Game
• Water fight (oh yes, with water guns and balloons, etc)
• Poker Night
• Wonderland (I've never been)
• Patio Drinks (just drink on apatio all day!)
• Barbeques
• Drive-in (I've never been!)
• Zoo
• Boating
• Ontario Place
• The Ex
• Golf
• Playing RISK (that was Tom's... ) (I do suggest a boardgame night though!).
• Car Wash (haha, fundraiser for... us! j/k).

Okay so we won't do them all but we should never have to have a night where we sit around wondering what we need to do and end up not doing anything. I will be upset if this happens :P.

Daisies or Orchids?

Yesterday marked the end of an era. Jenn moved all her stuff out of the house and TJ left for the summer. It was just Linds and I, which is the way it started a few years ago so it felt nice. I guess it never actually hit me until yesterday that the house would be changingso drastically. Jenn's room is empty and it echos, a very depressing sound. Linds and I decided to just chill and watch movies last night, it was fun and relaxing. I decided to stay in Peterborough a couple of days (Depending when I have to work next) just so Linds doesn't have to be all by herself for a super long time. Troy's coming up tonight and we're doing a family dinner... finishing off the year the same way it began.

Madds has been accepted into McGill and Western so far - I', so proud! Her heart is set on Queen's but I really think McGill might be best for her, I don't know though. Queen's has a lot of pros, and she and I would be there for a semi-year together, but I think McGill will make her more independant and grown up and it seems so much more foreign and exotic than Queen's and that's what I think of her as. She's been to Germany all by herself and she's done conferences with Amnesty. A part of me just feels that Queen's is so simple, basic and Oakville, it would be like extending her life right now but not enriching it. However McGill, McGill is farther away and just has a different feel to it.

I totally love Queen's and would never dock it! I'm going there afteral and it has been my dream school but what's good for one isn't always good for another and Madds, (I know you read this), you deserve better!! What would Rory do?! I always picture Maddie as Rory from Gilmore Girls. Not only do they have similar body builds, but I just feel like both of them want so much more from life. Both are incredibly ambitious and just simply adorable. They even dress a like! And sorry Madds, but they both don't have the best posture, but in the same way!! Here's my comparison Queen's is to daisies as McGill is to orchids. Both flowers are pretty but one is just more exotic.


Here I am stuck with a dandylion :P.... and a bunch of regrets. Except that regret is stupid and I wouldn't have the amazing friendship with Linds that I do now had I not been here. Except that might be the only true friendship I've made at Uni. I know a lot of people here but the truth is I don't know if I care if I really see them again. They're great to hang out with and talk with but they don't mean the world to me.

Haha, I just realized my dandelion symbolism was more than me just calling Trent a weed. Basically when you blow the things off the dandelion you make a wish, and I wish I had done things differently! I am an English major :P.

Everyone Knows I'm in Over My Head

Tonight was awesome!!! That's all I can say. I really didn't do anything spectacular it's just the feeling I have at the end of it. Cassy, Dave, Tom and I went to the movies and then hung out at a Timmies for a couple of hours - really, nothing spectacular, but as usual the conversation was great and hilarious. We made a list of the many things that we need to do this summer - honestly we might end up doing two of them, but it's fun to dream. We just sat there brainstorming for a while.

In other news Laura msged me today and then called me and brought up a VERY interesting topic! She and her boyfriend, Dave, have been dating for a while now and they brought up marriage recently. They aren't officially engaged or anything like that but plan to get married in the next 4 or 5 years. Well, today she called to ask me if I would be a bridesmaid!!! (Provided we were still close.) I was so flattered I didn't know what to say - I came close to tears though! Her wedding is going to be in England in the Mason's backyard and it's GAURANTEED to be GORGEOUS!!! In my opinion Dave and Laura totally complete each other. He's definitely her prince charming and she is his fair maiden? (I don't know what a good word to describe the girl, princess doesn't feel right to me... main point is they're an awesome match!)

The above is a picture of Laura and I last year when K and I randomly visited Queen's!! Oh the random nights :P. I tried to find a picture of Laura and Dave, but the one I have has other people in it and just wasn't as good as this one!

Laura and I have been friends since grade 10 - we actually have quite the interesting relationship! We were mutual friends through Mike and then decided to play a somewhat stupid trick on him so our meeting pretty much consisted of me randomly showing up on her doorstep to introduce myself, then we had a sleepover! I can't say many of my friendships have started off that way. She has a heart of gold though, she really does! I'm not just saying that. I remember one day she randomly brought me this really cool looking flower; she chose it because it was unique, apparently like me ;). I could go into ton more details but I don't want to bore people. I'll just say we're really fortunate to have the friendship that we do, in that we can just randomly talk or see each other and still have the same connection and have good conversation!

On a totally different subject there's now a group people are calling the 'Frat Pack' a spin off of the Rat Pack and the lesser known 'Brat Pack.' The Frat Pack consists of Owen and Luke Wilson, Will Ferrell, Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Jack Black and Steve Carell. Check it out for yourself http://www.the-frat-pack.com/. Just figured I'd put that out there - had I not researched the Rat Pack I wouldn't have come across it! I'm glad they've come up with some term though because those guys do intertwine and do a lot of movies together! I'm assuming people are more familiar with the 'Brat Pack' but if not it consisted of actors that became famous in the 80's, including: Emilio Estevez, Anthony Michael Hall, Rob Lowe, Andrew McCarthy, Demi Moore, Judd Nelson, Molly Ringwald and Ally Sheedy. I really like that these spin offs of the Rat Pack have happened, I don't know why but it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling. Maybe that's just because I'm feeling SO tired right now, must be time for bed!!

Every song ends - is that a reason not to enjoy the music?

Totally stole my title from One Tree Hill - I'm a dork, I know. It's a good show though, a little overly dramatic but I've stolen a few lines from it. They totally put things in perspective for me.

Last night Linds and I went out to celebrate her 23rd birthday. We got a little drunk - our attention was to get sloshed so that was good! We're not huge into the partying scene so it was kind of funny to actually go out and drink; normally we sit around the basement and play drinking games. So we spent all our money and then walked home, sloshed of course, but the walk was sobering. We then proceeded to make stuffed pasta shells and mashed potatoes. I'm really not sure what kind of people make that food when they're drunk, but it was very humerous to say the least. We also had a sleep over in my room - despite the fact she lives here too - I'm not sure why but it was fun to talk. We're funny drunks, or even sober I guess, we just talk and talk and talk and analyze and philosphize (is that a word?). We have all these theories about everything and it's really great because I think we have allowed each other to develop ino who we want to be by exploring our views on life. Below is a picture of Linds and I at Head of Trent. My hair was so short!

I'm so tired I can barely think. We woke up early today and painted the room Linds is going to switch into. Then I had my exam and soon (in one hour) my bus leaves for home and I can just sleep the whole ride.

How's it goin'?!?

Unfinished business, that's what I've decided it is. That's why it's always in my dreams and constantly haunting me. I feel like it just won't go away because it's unfinished business. Like a ghost that apparently haunts the earth until that something has been fullfilled. It sounds stupid, but that's what I'm going with. Worst thing is it won't go away because I can't think of a way for it to be 'finished' business. Honestly, I'm really not sure it's possible. That's okay, one day maybe the dreams and haunting will evaporate and my mind will be laid to rest regarding this.

Closure is just so key - I hate not having closure. When a relationship ends or you're in a fight I really feel there needs to be some sort of closure; an official goodbye or an official apology. When you have some rift with someone you can't just all of the sudden go back to being normal - there has to be some sort of talk, it doesn't just happen!! At least in my opinion. If someone acts like they hate me one week and then want to do everything with me the next it leaves me confused - just talk it out with me and then we can move on and be friends again but do not not provide some sort of closure to the way you behaved!

Linds and I have decided to try out all the independent little restaurants in Peterborough. Really we should have started last year as this is pretty much the key to Peterborough's charm! Tonight we gone two places off our list; Hot Belly Mama's and Black Honey. We had a delicious dinner at Hot Belly Mama's and then went to Black Honey for coffee/dessert; where we talked for a long time. Or maybe I did most of the talking and she listened; she must be a good friend. :p, I wish she could have completely cleared my head though. But that's okay - I'll get my closure and everything one day!! (haha, "and that my friend is what you call closure").

Linds and I (hmm, I should try to start EVERY paragraph that way!), we went to Chapters, which was awesome, anyway, we decided to start our own little book club. We're going to meet bi-weekly this summer and have read certain books and discuss them. Each of us has to choose 10 books for next friday. Did I mention we're also going to Stratford at the end of June! Yay! That's exciting. There's so much to look forward to.

Anyway, I'm going to go relax and maybe study a bit!

Have a little faith...

I wish I was 5 and completely oblivious to everything again. I don't like what's going on and I hate that the last 4 years have been this complete stress. Poor mom has to find a job that pays her well enough or else then we have to sell the house and she's trying really hard and I hate seeing her get this discouraged. Dad's business gets smaller and smaller and he just gets more stressed and tired looking. So of course both of them are just a little unhappy and they fight and everything is just so stressful.
Mom feels like she's completely failed the family or something, she's always apologizing for things like not having dinner planned, it's so crappy to see her this way.
I know Dad feels so bad and his stupid sense of pride just won't let him give in. He's never let me do OSAP even, I went behind his back to get my credit line. He just wants to be able to do it all but he can't, I guess he feels like he's failing. But he's totally not, I have an awesome life now and I always have. I haven't really missed out on much. I guess he's comparing my life to other people's in Oakville or what he dreamed of giving us and that makes him sad. But I appreciate everything he does and has done for me and I just want him to be able to relax.


and Mom... Mom is trying so hard to be strong and she totally carries the family. Like she never cries, I don't know how she never cries. I think if I were her I'd be crying all the time. Earlier today she just wanted to give up and sell the house and get a job at Loblaws and then she just commented on how she has to be strong and patient and I just hate this.

The there's Mike. I think of him and I just go crazy cause he's working 2 jobs right now and he's always been so stressed about money and he never says anything. I remember picking him up from work last year and taking him like anything in the house that I could give him like cans of soup and crap like that cause he couldn't afford anything. I think he's doing okay now, just busy and working late.

I don't worry so much about Sarah, maybe it's the out of sight out of mind idea. I know she's working hard and doing okay though. I'm sure she worries about all of us night and day.

Okay my little vent is over for now :P it's all out there and I can stop stressing and maybe attempt to find something to make my parents for dinner. I totally look after them, or I try to.

Sipping on coke and rum, I'm like "so what? I'm drunk"

So the title is pretty much my saturday evening :P. Turned out to be better than I had anticipated - and that's totally due to the alcohol and Heather practically forcing me to have that one drink, which led to many more.

Friday night started off low key, I had dinner with Landon - that was interesting - then he dropped me off early so I could chill with Mike. We had to go pick up Maddie and she was very, very drunk. It's upsetting for me to see my little sister that way, seriously! But some funny jokes came from it, so what can I say. We drove her and a couple of her friends home and then Mike and I watched Dazed and Confused, low key, but nice. While we were driving her friends home they informed me that I should have been in Walker House at Appleby, not Baillie - they could 'just tell.' That was very funny. Most people won't get that but Appleby people will. (Uhh Ash..:P).

Saturday I don't even remember what I did. I had a coffee with Maddie and her roomate Toni, that was cool. Then it was time for the Rock game!! Which was so SO exciting. They went into overtime and I was shaking. It was awesome, such a rush!! I don't think I've screamed that hard in a long time.

That's Heather and I at the game... doesn't her hair look pretty? She just got it cut!! Anyway, that was really exciting and I wish I went to more sporting events. Maddie and Fiona were there too, and Mike and Monique were there with their season tickets. It was very exciting.

So after the game we went back to Heather's res. and started the drinking... we drank A LOT. Or I did. Actually, that's a lie. I really don't think I drank that much but I was affected as though I did. I ended up past out on the floor, which is kind of sad and pathetic and Sasha did offer me her bed but I felt bad so I just stayed there. Fiona past out soon after and apparently Yoav claimed we were "dropping like flies," to be fair it was 3am. Below Is Maddie, Mique, Heather and MIke.

The picture above is Heather, Mike and I... I'm not even sure how much we had had to drink at that point, but it's a funny picture anyway. I don't even remember much of what happened so I'm just posting pictures - aren't they worth about a thousand words anyway?! I remember talking to Sasha about Heather and how much we both love her and how she talks about both of us to each other all the time. I also remember watching my little sister hit on a university boy all night. She's growing up...

That's Heather and I - I don't even know what time... I'm hoping late in the evening if I was looking like that :P. She's got her sweater on too so I'm assuming it's later. Poor Heather couldn't drink too much that nigth because *someone* had to wild of a night the evening before. *ahem*. Anyway, the party was really cool because I got to meet and hang out with some people Heather knows and who are different.. but young... I was 20 and most of them were around 18... I felt like an old hag! It was fun though.

So today, Sunday, I had a very low key day and tried to sleep most of my hang over off. Then Lara called and we had dinner together, which was super nice. She's going to France for a month in the summer and I would love more than anything to be able to go over there and spend a week or two with her - we would have a blast. But unless something miraculous ends up happening it would never work, that's okay though - it was more of me dreaming anyway!

I've been home since friday and I feel like I haven't actually stayed home for any period of time - I don't know if I see it happening much either. MOnday and Tuesday night I have some tentative plans. Wednesday it's back to Peterborough for the night. Thursday I'm sure I'll find something... anyway, rather than explain it all before it happens I'll just post after it happens.

So that was my pretty lame post about last night- hope the pictures were okay at least!

Thingy...

This is not so much procrastination because I'm finally at the not having to procrastinate anything point!!
I stole this from Ash's blog:


Only two rules-- and you MUST follow them.
1.You can only say yes or no.
2.YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING!!!!.
1. Taken a picture naked? -- Yes.
2. Painted your room? -- No
3. Made out with a member of the same sex? -- yes
4 Drove a car? -- Yes.
5. Danced in front of your mirror? -- Yes.
6. Have a crush? -- Yes.
7. Been dumped? -- Yes.
8. Stole money from a friend? -- No.
9. Gotten in a car with people you just met? -- Yes.
10. Been in a fist fight? -- No.
11. Snuck out of your house? -- yes.
12. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? -- Yes.
13. Been arrested? -- No.
14. Made out with a stranger? -- Yes
15. Met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? -- Yes.
16. Left your house without telling your parents? -- Yes.
17. Had a crush on your neighbour? -- Yes.
18. Ditched school to do something more fun? -- Yes.
19. Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex (non sexual)? -- Yes.
20. Seen someone die? -- no.
21. Been on a plane? -- Yes.
22. Kissed a picture? -- yes.
23. Slept in until 3? -- No.
24. Love someone or miss someone right now? -- Yes.
25. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? -- Yes.
26. Made a snow angel? -- Yes.
27. Played dress up? -- yes.
28. Cheated while playing a game? -- Yes.
29. Been lonely? -- Yes.
30. Fallen asleep at work/school? -- Yes.
31. Been to a club? -- Yes.
32. Felt an earthquake? -- No.
33. Touched a snake? -- No.
34. Ran a red light? -- No.
35. Been suspended from school? -- Yes.
36. Had detention? -- Yes.
37. Been in a car accident? -- No.
38. Hated the way you look? -- Yes.
39. Witnessed a crime? -- No.
40. Pole danced? -- Yes.
41. Been lost? -- Yes.
42. Been to the opposite side of the country? -- Yes.
43. Felt like dying? -- Yes.
44. Cried yourself to sleep? -- Yes.
46. Sang karaoke? -- Yes
47. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? -- Yes.
48. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? -- No.
49. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? -- Yes.
50. Kissed in the rain? -- Yes.
51. Sang in the shower? -- Yes.
52. Made love in a park? -- Yes.
53. Had a dream that you married someone? -- Yes
54. Glued your hand to something? -- Yes
55. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? -- No.
56. Ever gone to school partially naked? -- No.
57. Been a cheerleader? -- Yes.
58. Sat on a roof top? -- Yes.
59. Didn't take a shower for a week? -- Yes. (ash, what about Temagami?)
60. Ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? -- Yes.
61. Played chicken? -- No
62. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? -- Yes. (grr)
63. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? -- Yes.
64. Broken a bone? -- No.
65. Been easily amused? -- Yes.
66. I shall hunt you down. ??? WHat???

67. Mooned/flashed someone? -- Yes.
68. Cheated on a test? -- Yes.
69. Forgotten someone's name? -- Yes!
70. Slept naked? -- Yes.
71. Gone skinny dipping? -- Yes
Where are you, ooh ooh, ooh ooh, 72?

73. gotten drunk? -- Yes.
74. Played a prank on someone? -- Yes.
75. Gone to a late night movie? -- Yes.
76. Made love to anything not human? -- No.
77. Failed a class? -- No.
78. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat? -- Yes.
79. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours straight? -- No.
80. Cheated on a girl/boyfriend? -- Yes
81, verily, where art thou?
82. Thrown strange objects? -- No.
83. Felt like killing someone? -- No
.84. Felt like running away? -- Yes.
85. Ran away? -- Yes.
86. Did drugs? -- Yes.
87. Had detention and not attend it? -- No.

The Crazy 88 has gone missing.

89. Made a parent cry? -- Yes.
90. Cried over someone? -- Yes.
91. Had sex more than 10 times in one day? -- No.
92. Dated someone more than once? -- Yes.
93. Had/Have a dog? -- No.

94 sucks because it is missing.

95. Own an instrument? -- Yes.
96. Been in band? -- No.
97.Drank 25 sodas in 1 day? -- No.
98. Broken a CD? -- Yes.
99. Shot a gun? -- No.
100. Had feelings for one of your best/good friends? -- Yes.

I am not mocking the pro con list! I actually think the list will come out in my favor!

I love lists, I'm such a nerd. I've tried making one for the summer but I haven't really even got started. I remember this time last year I counted the weekends that were left until september and I attempted to try something cool on each one. I'm pretty sure that didn't happen - although I remember going to Green Day, the casino, Guelph, a couple of Jay's games but there was a bunch more things to do on my list that never got done. I should drag it out.

I'm still toying with the idea of summer school. I need to decide by April 21st so not much pressure there until a bit later.

Today's essay: The influence children have on their communities. Except 2500 words to fill it in. Not to shabby. It's actually due friday but I want to have it finished my tomorrow at 1.

I know I've mentioned this before but I think I'm in love with Logan from Gilmore Girls. I know a lot of people don't like him but he's practically my ideal guy! He's smart, witty, funny, a gentleman, incredibly cute and well, he also is a bit wealthy. Do these guys exist in real life? I don't care what people say, he's clearly head over heels in love with Rory. I just hope she doesn't mess it up with her new weird, I'm not going to call, attitude. I definitely forgive him for the cheating because in his mind they weren't together. They hadn't talked for like a month - who's in a relationship and doesn't talk for a month. He was just a confused guy.

Okay I need to actually work and stop posting. Unfortunately Linds and I didn't make it to Starbucks yesterday but today is a sure thing so I've got that to look forwards to :) 7 hours!

YAY

Okay, so these pictures are from January (yes... January...) but I figured they pretty much show what we're doing here today. In case you don't know the top one is me. Yes I look stressed out, I think I was actually talking to someone on msn, lol, but that is pretty much my look today. Linds pretty much looks that way too.

Linds and I just decided to have our essays finished by 4:30 and if we do then we have time to go to starbucks for a coffee before class... oh. It's on. No nap for me today. Yay!!!

"Tears and fears and feeling proud"

That's Heather and I after the game - we forgot to take a picture inside and you know me and my pictures - I need to have something adequate to scrapbook with. The raptors got over 100 points so we got free pizza - I didn't want to cash in though because then they'd take my ticket and I need it for my scrapbook. It's just going to have to wait! The picture on the left is our first attempt at a picture, it just didn't cut it for either of us... so after many more attempts we went with the more silly picture on the right!!

I have no idea how I've found the time to post today but apparently I need to - it's cathartic. It's just going to get it all our for me and then I can just stop thinking and focus on women in Medieval Drama plays. My essay is due at 7 and I've got the proposal finished - I'm not worried and hoping to fit an hour or so nap in. If not I'll just crash at 8... tomorrow's an early morning too. *sigh* I was up at 6 today!! Tomorrow's essay of the day is children's literature and I'm discussing orphans in two children's books. Then Thursday's essay of the day is more children's literature and I'm comparing the novel Matilda to the movie - I'm looking forward to that one! Then it's friday and I get to go home and hopefully have a relaxing weekend. Maybe see some people I haven't seen in a while, we'll see. I think Lara and I have coffee planned for our usual time. Saturday I think Mique, Madds, Mike, Fiona, Ben and I are going into a little Hawaiian themed shin-dig at Heather's res. Should be ... interesting... I think the plan is to all crash there but well I'm not so sure I see that happening.

I'm still thinking about this whole summer thing. Thankfully I have until April 17th - I can barely process my thoughts for my essays right now let alone what I want to do. I can't wait until these next 4 days are over and I can find the time to sort out my thoughts/feelings. There's a whole other tension/stress in the house and though it may seem trivial and petty to some people it's very evident to others. When I walk into the house I can just feel the tension, it's very uncomfortable.

Linds and I have been talking things out a lot over the past week - it's been really good. I feel that my vocabulary has increased to ten times the amount. I keep throwing in words I don't usually use - it must be all the books and essays finally kicking in! I feel intelligent. haha. It's a little funny because some of them I'm not sure how to pronounce so Linds and I will sit there and repeat them a few times until we find the right way. We're such great English majors :P.

Alright time to start Medieval Drama ...

Damnit.

I wrote this great post and then it all went away. SO frustrating. It was really neat because I was really upset and the beginnign of it and then as I calmed down I stopped being a brat and started to look at the other side of things.

Basically three weeks ago I was going to drop out of Trent and my program because I was sick of dealing with Peterborough. Instead Linds and I came up with the solution of me getting my a general degree rather than an honors. Then I wouldn't have to make up the courses I've dropped and I would still be able to go to Queen's. Well. Apparently my parentals cannot handle this.

Dad came home today and pretty much told me I couldn't say no. I had a hissy fit. I only ever have two months where I can possibly live at home and I really enjoy those months. I like to be able to catch up with my friends and be close to them for once. We don't even have the money to pay off the tuition we still owe from this year, how on earth are we suppose to pay for summer courses?! Um, not happening. Well. Daddy dearest thinks I'm using that as an excuse and then of course in my mothers eyes it's dad's fault that I'm doing this - so I'm pretty sure he's desperately trying to make it not appear that way.

He said if I don't get an honors I'm going to be failing on some level and pulling a "Bennett" - whatever that means. He said he's proud of me and he loves me and he doesn't want to see me do this. At that point I started crying, mostly because of frustrating and a bit because I felt incredibly disappointed in myself.

So I started thinking... Dad does pay for my education and my way through my education. Is it really fair of me to not let him have some say in what I do? Yes I am an adult but I rely on him like a child. Afteral, he only has my best interests at heart. I mean taking a credit or two in May/June wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. I've heard summer courses are more relaxed and if anything it would at least broaden my horizons a little.

Linds would also be happy to have me there and we could clean up the yard and the patio like we've day dreamed :P.

Well.. I've looked into it. Let's just say I'm not writing it off yet.

I do really want to come home though. But I guess we don't always get what we want.

Alright, I can think this through... I'm not a failure I know that much.

I could take Spanish - that would be cool.

I just added up the costs so I'll go back to him with that and then see how he feels :P.

You know, all in all I am glad I've had parents who have pushed me because in the end I think no matter how frustrated I am it will all have been for the best.